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Dear Bitchy Cacher… Leaving a Found Log for a Crappy Cache. (Guest Blogger)

January 5, 2015


Once in a while I like to let my readers have their say, as it turns out, some players in our game have as much to bitch about as I do. A reader who calls himself “Supremely Fat” has written their own rant on the fine art of writing a sarcstic log for caches that just were not worth the time or the effort of the finding. Enjoy!

“The Art of the Short Log on a crappy cache: A Glossary of the Hidden Meanings”– By Supremely Fat
I love writing logs. Let me clarify a little: I love writing logs when the words just seem to flow naturally. The best logs of mine begin in my mind while I’m finding the cache, and the details get filled in when I go home and type them up. Writing logs is easy when you have a memorable experience.

However, many caches I find are average at best, if not poorly conceived. Sometimes the words for these logs flow naturally as well, but unfortunately those words are often unfit for print. So the unremarkable cache ends up getting a short log, usually composed of my favorite stock phrases. Without further ado, I present…

The Art of the Short Log on a crappy cache: A Glossary of the Hidden Meanings

“A little worried”
1. The cache really blended in well with the poison ivy.
2. I was so close to the neighbors’ house I could watch their TV.
3. Seriously, why would you put a cache this close to a police station?
I was a little worried when I saw GZ, thankfully I found it right away.

Your soda can cache only blends in because the rest of GZ is covered with litter too
Well-camo’d container. I’ve seen this before, so I knew just where to look.

“Didn’t feel good” (for use with Notes and DNFs)
I briefly considered looking for this cache, but upon further review decided not to because it looks like dogshit. Which is saying something, because I’ve found caches that literally resemble dogshit and they are much better than yours could possibly be.
Passed by here, but didn’t feel good about the no trespassing signs and decided to move on.

“Don’t think anyone saw me”
1. I think someone saw me
2. I know someone saw me
Lots of muggles out today. Took me a minute, but I don’t think anyone saw me.

“Filling in a calendar day”
This is a crappy cache close to my home location, and while I’m grateful it saved my calendar challenge/streak, I was really hoping it would get archived before I had to resort to finding it.
Had to fill a calendar day, so I stopped here on my way home from work. Quick find.

“Found on my way to/from”
This cache is on the trail leading to a much better cache, and I needed a couple more finds so I could accrue my next favorite point for it.
Found on my way to Amazing Puzzle Cache.

“Glad I found this in the winter”
This cache would have sucked in the summer.
Pretty easy to spot with all the prickers dead, glad I found this in the winter.

“I was in the area”
1. Your cache is slightly more interesting than watching my girlfriend go shopping/waiting for my takeout order to be ready/staking out a dryer at the laundromat…
2. I got pretty drunk after going to the bar/concert downtown and had to sober up a little before driving home, so I went geocaching.
I was in the area tonight and I had to walk right past GZ.

“Knew just where to look”
1. I picked up the lamppost skirt.
2. I reached into the guardrail.
Got within 40 feet, and then I knew just where to look.
see also: didn’t need my GPS

“Needs some attention”
Needs archived, even though it technically meets the guidelines. I really hope you slack on the maintenance or just give up on it.
Easy find, but needs some attention. Everything is a little wet.

“Only had a little daylight” (for use with DNFs)
I’m pissed that I couldn’t find this, and I need an excuse other than my own incompetence.
Only had a little daylight to work with, and my battery was about to give out. I’ll be back.
see also: GPS/phone battery died, you can’t fire me, I quit

“Quick find” (NOTE: this is my personal favorite passive-aggressive log phrase)
The container and placement are identical to approximately 100 other caches you’ve placed.
Quick find in the park this afternoon.
see also: easy find

“Seen this before”
You are not the first person to hang a bison in a storm drain/put a nano in a piece of fake poo/stick a pvc pipe in the ground near a creek. The novelty is wearing off on me, for better or worse.
Could be a tough find, but I’ve seen this type before so it didn’t take me too long.

“TFTC” (Only use in extreme circumstances)
1. I remember nothing about this cache.
2. If I could say less, I would, but I’m not allowed to leave a blank log.

Now that I’ve found the cache, I will never return to this crap location again. Unless someone puts another cache here.
I was a little worried about the location, but thankfully I made the find in about 4 minutes.

Thanks for your entry “Supremely fat”
All opinions and additions to this rant are welcome in the comments section.
Carry on Cachin’

  1. Ha ha, I’ve used most of these in the past. Only once have I left a scathing TFTC! 😉

  2. nike-paob permalink

    great publish, very informative. I wonder why the opposite specialists of this sector do not realize this.

    You should continue your writing. I’m sure, you’ve a huge
    readers’ base already!

  3. Infoferret permalink

    Dear Bitchy, I’m missing your insights into the random acts of cachers – please can we have an update? I’m thinking along the lines of “What the hell have Geocaching done with their searches?” or an update on your challenge cache sound off…..

  4. Love it. I’ve used “Seen this before” a lot lately. When I saw duck decoys at the Dollarama I knew that the summer would be filled with “That’s Just Ducky” caches. Found 5 dollar store duck decoy caches in 3 months.

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